Today i would of been 12 weeks :(

Today I would of been 12 weeks pregnant. we would of been having our scan soon and starting to share the news especially on Christmas day. Instead i’m thinking of what would of been and feeling sad that it just wasn’t to be.

With every day that goes by its getting easier. The part that’s just hard is thinking that by the end of 2016 there is every chance that we still won’t have our second baby in our arms. Its only been almost 3 weeks but I’ve already started charting again and waiting for that ovulation spike to go up. That will be a happy day when I discover I’ve ovulated and that AF is on its way because it means we can start trying again.

Its a crazy time of year, tomorrow marks the 1 year anniversary from when I went in for surgery, the very same surgery that resulted with me ending up in ICU the next night and missing my first Christmas with my baby. I still remember being soo nervous about that surgery soo worried about what might happen but I never expected that to happen. I think back to last Christmas and it makes me sad of what we missed out as a family and just what my husband had to go through for that week. But after everything this year i’m getting to spend it with my son and husband 🙂

I’m getting excited about Christmas as its only a few days away. Today I made our son his first santa sack. Growing up we didn’t really have many traditions at Christmas, i’ll I remember is opening presents! I can’t recall having a santa stocking or santa sack so i’m not use to the normal tradition with them but this year we’ll be starting our traditions.

We will have our few hours as a family on Friday which we’ll definitely be remember our little mulberry that just wasn’t meant to be but we’ll be sitting enjoying the moment .. our first Christmas morning together. After that will be craziness between 2 other Christmases. But since i’m not pregnant i’ll eat prawns, eat cold meats and have a drink or two because hey I may as well make the most of it!

Soon enough it will be 2016 and i’m sure it has a lot in store for me and us as a family. One thing I know for certain is that I would be really hesitant having a baby due in December with everything that has happened the last 2 Decembers!

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