Why?

I’m just really wondering why? what have I done? why is all this bad stuff happening to me. Yes I know in the scheme of it all its not that bad but when I look back at the last 1 1/2 years its just filled with soo many time of sadness but luckily amongst a awful lot of times of happiness.

1st it was the big storm that happened, that was easy to get over, then it was going to hospital and getting Toxic Shock Syndrome, that was something big. There was then a lot of time of happiness in between but then I have my missed miscarriage and I go right I’ve had my 25% chance of it happening. Then now it seems like its happening again.

Why does this have to be happening to me .. again .. December was only 2 1/2 months ago, it took awhile to get over that and now this just to put me back down where is was. How am I ever meant to look on the positive side of things and think it will be all okay when bad things keep happening. Chance of getting toxic shock less then 1%, chance of having a miscarriage after seeing a healthy heart beat after 6 weeks 3%. chance of having two miscarriages in a row 5%. Odds me nothing to me anymore its more, its not that there is a 95% chance of it all being good its a 5% chance that it will however happen.

Right now I don’t know that this will end in a miscarriage but how can I think it won’t. I just need a sign that all is okay but instead of hoping my nausea would get worse or something instead it seems better. Instead of my boobs starting to get bigger or sore they just seem normal and slightly bigger. I have however been tired and feeling rubbish and had bad gas pains and wind and bloating but nothing as yet to help me keep thinking that there is that slim chance all will be good.

Soon enough it will be my turn at some type of ‘luck’. All i’m asking for is another baby to complete our family and health. I thought 2016 was going to be my year.

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2 thoughts on “Why?

  1. Just discovered your blog. I also get so stuck on the “whys” and the unluckiness of it all.
    I also miscarried in Dec after seeing a heartbeat, and then again in Feb before getting a scan at around 5.5 weeks.
    Hoping better things are ahead for you.

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