What could of been

Everytime I think i’m getting over all this it just comes back now its the loaming due date that’s getting me. I should be due in 2 1/2 months but instead i’m not pregnant for a second time. It makes me feel soo upset sometimes I should be 6 months pregnant instead I just have a wobbly belly because after both miscarriages I decide to have a junk food binge. I just want to be trying for another baby again and being pregnant again but I know that waiting will hopefully be good for us but I just don’t know anymore. This baby making business is hard work and i’m just inpatient and want to be pregnant with my perfect baby. I just want to have something positive to look forward to not a I wonder if it will happen for a third time. I just want to know its all going to be okay next time and that i’m not going to have to go through this again. All I want is one more baby, just one more pregnancy, just one more moment in time that I grow a human being and then our family will be complete. A girl, a boy it doesn’t matter .. I just wish I had a crystal ball to know that its going to be okay next time. Only time will tell I guess and I’ve only just finished my miscarriage cycle so still a bit of waiting before we try again. July 4 is going to be one tough day knowing what could of been 😦

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