I knew it was only a matter of time before my good mood came crashing down .. and it happened last night.
I was catching up with friends for dinner, luckily the one with the newborn baby (due same time I was due) didn’t show up. I knew there were 2 pregnant ladies but when I arrived there were 3! and to make matters worse the 3rd is having twins!
I’m happy for them but when you get a group of 5 girls together and 3 are pregnant the conversation automatically goes to pregnancy and babies. I felt like I wanted to run, escape, get out of there. I had wished I had come up with a reason to leave earlier, I had wished that the conversation would of changed .. but it didn’t .. it stays baby related. for a short time our toddlers were discussed but mainly it was babies.
I walked out of their after a agonising 2 hours and got the my car, all I wanted to do was cry, cry for what I didn’t have, cry for what could of been, cry cause I feel i’m being left behind on this trying to conceive rollercoaster. I managed to drive home with just a few tears luckily.
I’m just soo scared that we will return from holidays next month and I still won’t be pregnant and that I will have to start the rollercoaster of finding out whats wrong.
Today i’m having a pity party all for myself.
One day it will be me .. one day ….