Negative again ….. sighhhh

I was expecting AF (period) to arrive today but no it decides to show up early. At the beginning I had hope that it was just a bit of bleeding but not AF bleeding but no i’m pretty certain it is AF. I even took a test this morning and ofcourse it was a Big Fat Negative!!!

that’s the 5th month crashed and burnt …when will it be my time, when will this rollercoaster finally get to the good part? when will I finally be pregnant!!

Days like today I hit rock bottom and sometimes wish I would be content with one child, and only child, but i’m not I really want a sibling for him. I’m not ready for this part of my life to be over, i’m not ready for my boy to grow up and him not have a brother or sister to play with. I look at him now and think how good it will be for him to have another kid around to play with but it makes me feel soo weak and thinking if i’m not able to do it. Who says I will ever have another baby? the universe might be setting me up for the inevitable … who knows my toxic shock might of completely stuffed my body!! maybe its the universe warning me that having another baby might not have good end results for me?

I just wish there was a way / a sign to know that all will be good in the future.

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