3 weeks till scan!

Today i’m 5+2 .. time is going fast but also soo slow!! I got my hcg back last week and at 3+6 it was 157 which was a great number for that early.

I’ve been soo anxious certain its not going to work out, which I guess with two previous losses is totally normal. I’m finding it hard to think that this could all work out that in 3 weeks time we will see a bub measuring what it should with a good heart beat. I’m counting down and looking forward but I guess i’m just scared, scared of it failing and having to go through another loss.

So far this week I’ve had more symptoms start .. I’ve had bloating definitely starting (although not crazy much today). I have a gross metallic taste in my mouth, a bit of nausea when I haven’t eaten for awhile, I think my boobs are a bit bigger at certain times of the day but they are sore and sensitive. I’ve been starting to get that figetty tummy, that feeling when your sitting still and your belly just feels weird like something is in side it! besides that i’m waiting and hoping for nausea to kick in soon. They say its usually around 6 weeks so lets see what they next few days bring! It sounds really silly but I can’t wait to throw up! With my son it was only a few times that I ever did throw up. with my last two I never got to that point.  Also waiting for my skin to start going crazy, a few pimples have appeared in the last day or so but nothing crazy.

I wish there was a way of knowing all was going to be okay this time around, but instead its just a waiting game!

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Looking like our short time with each other might be over soon

Yesterday I had my gp appointment. I knew I felt more pregnant then last week so I was sure it was all going to be okay but ofcourse I had heaps of doubt in my mind too. Turns out my hcg results weren’t great.

At 5 weeks my hcg was 3500 and now at 5weeks+6days it was 7700. It should of doubled again but it didn’t. Dr is concerned, saying it most likely won’t be a viable pregnancy. I have been told to wait 1 1/2 weeks for a ultrasound and repeat bloods. Wait how long? how am I meant to wait that long to know that my pregnancy is a dud. Oh but because we are on holidays the week before shes making sure I know all the results before I go away. Great finding out that my baby is no longer growing a few days before going on a relaxing beach holiday Haha .. it just seems a joke.

We decided there is no way i’m going to be able to wait that long to find out whats happening so I’ve booked in a scan for next Wednesday, definitely not the 1 1/2 weeks the dr had said but I just can’t keep waiting knowing the result. By 6 1/2 weeks there should be a heartbeat there should be more growth since the 5 week scan but if its enough for them to decide either way I guess i’ll find out.

I’ve been told stories how sometimes hcg just stalls and then gets going again which gives me hope but then I think back to this whole pregnancy. everything is odd about it, 1st I had a period when I was pregnant, 2nd I had bleeding while pregnant, 3rd I had bleeding again while pregnant! It hasn’t seemed normal from the beginning but hey what is normal!

I’ve still been charting my temperatures and I’ve noticed that its gone down a bit, will see what tomorrow holds but I know what i’m expecting.

It will be a long and anxious wait till Wednesday morning in which i’m pretty sure I know the outcome but we will see what it is for sure.

I have a feeling that our time together will be over but i’ll just have to wait and see. Pregnancy tests are so much more clear cut .. your either pregnant or your not. I’ve been told maybe I have a live baby or maybe I don’t … limbo land is not a great place to be 😦